Depression.

Yeah, I guess I'm depressed. I don't really know why though. It's just that every time I'm alone, and that means most of the time, I feel down. Something's missing and I can't for the death of me figure out what it is. When people leave or I enter my apartment alone it's like the lights go out, all becomes as dark as space. And I mean the dark parts between the stars, with no light and no warmth. And words to describe the larger problems in my life dont exactly come easy, so this description is far from perfect, but it's the best one I've got. I have no energy at all, all I do to spend my time is either to sit in front of my computer, read or just laying on my bed or even on the floor just staring at the ceiling. The plans I have for my future are still as clear as day though, but my plans for the coming day or week are nonexistent. I spend some time with my friends and I try to act as if nothing is wrong, but I keep catching myself with wanting them to leave. But still I don't want to be alone. And when some of my friends leave it pains me. I hate this, simply put. But I can assure those who read this that I'm not going to hurt myself, I'm not a particularly big fan of suicide. To me it doesn't represent a quick exit from depression, but more of a way to bring it with you into eternity. And that is not something I'm willing to do to myself. But I'm running out of options, or perhaps I newer had any at all. I need a solution, this is killing me, figuratively speaking.



I never claimed life would be easy, but does it have to be like this?

Shit.